One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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