Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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