Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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