I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
