I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
