I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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