i permit you to call me
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
