Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
