"it" just moved
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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