I cannot find my penis.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We need to rekindle our bromance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize