I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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