Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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