I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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