It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
