Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My pussy is not your playground.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
