Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
