we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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