I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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