Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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