He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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