We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
