u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
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I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
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I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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