I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
