Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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