Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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