I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
