After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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