Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
