If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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