First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
