Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
