I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
