May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
