This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
