I cut my penus on the lid.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I fill condoms, not promises.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
