We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
