3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
