It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
