I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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