I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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