I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
