I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
