There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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