I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
