she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
