I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
