Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize