i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
