i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
