after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he fucked my hip out of place.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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