I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
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