As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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