just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
