News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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