I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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