you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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