What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
i now understand why vodka
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
