i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He shit in the fireplace
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
