I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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