so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
