i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
