Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My cat gives me a boner
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
