birth control should be required to get into college
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
