O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
