I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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